My gripe with Gripe Water

After weeks of dealing with a grumpy and evidently uncomfortable newborn we decided to (per the suggestion of many) give Gripe Water a try and see if it would help settle his reflux/stomach issues...

As you can see, it went splendidly... 😂

This all happened within a couple minutes of his first dose and just seconds after I passed him to Austin- Mom for the win! I clearly dodged the major (barf) bullet that time, but trust me I have been initiated into the club many times over since then. 😑

I think it goes without saying we aren't believers of Gripe Water.

p.s this picture while hilariously shows Austin's share of the aftermath, it does not do the sheer volume of spit up justice. It was EVERYWHERE. All over the floor and all over Evan. It was insane.

1 month old Evan update + stats

Today Evan is really one month and thirteen days old, but these pictures were actually taken on his one month birthday, so... I call that a win! :)

Other than including his birth stats in his birth story, I have yet to record his other weigh ins. So here we go:

Birth:

weight: 7 lbs 2 oz

height: 20 inches

2 days:

weight: 6 lbs 10 oz  (24th percentile)

height: 20 inches (69th percentile)

head circumference: 13.7 inches (64th percentile) 

2 weeks:

weight: 7 lbs 8 oz (50th/51st percentile)

height: 21.5 inches (98th percentile)

head circumference: 14 inches (67th percentile)

I'd be lying if I said Evan was an easy baby. Adorable and chunky? You betcha. Easy and go with the flow? Not at all. His demeanor is generally pretty grumpy due to some stomach/reflux issues. His wants/fixes are simple, but simple isn't always easy or even realistic. If he had his way he would stay latched on (to me) 24/7, but seeing how that's impossible and that he ardently despises pacifiers, little man just has to grump a little bit throughout the day. I have never believed in baby swings- we have never owned one because the girls hardly cried (especially Ellie). This is not the case with Evan. If he's not in my arms exclusively, asleep or latched on, he let's the world know his dissatisfaction. Out of desperation our friends let us borrow their baby swing until their baby (due in October) is born. It has been a life saver! I had been struggling to keep up with anything or frankly do anything because I was permanently feeding Mr Evan or soothing him in some way, but let's be honest, mostly feeding/pacifying him haha. Getting just a couple hours to do the dishes, laundry, feed the girls etc. has now become a luxury. I kid around that if Evan were my first baby I would be a basket case, but seeing how I'm three kids in, I'd say I'm pretty well seasoned at this point. I am more confident in my parenting ability and honestly the girl's are (mostly) helpful with Evan and are self sufficient, which is the most helpful thing of all. Austin says "the boy just knows what he wants" and while that's true it's just unrealistic. I'm happy to feed him, but being a human pacifier hours upon hours throughout the day and night? Yeah, not so much. But regardless of Evan being a grump, he's my grump and I am so happy to have him.

Big Sisters

As you can see these girls were in absolute heaven meeting their little brother for the first time. They intuitively and lovingly welcomed little Evan into our family without any hesitation. I think they both could feel that he was with us all along- the belly (my pregnant belly AKA Evan) finally had a face and such a kissable face it was (and is). I am happy to report that even a month in, these girls are still completely smitten with their brother- they jump at any chance to rub his fluffy head, kiss his chubby cheeks and tickle his teeny toes. We all love our little baby Evan and are so happy to finally have him here.

A couple more photos for good measure:

Introducing...

Our little Evan is perfection in every way. He has already put on 2 pounds of delicious baby chub in the less than 4 short weeks he's joined us earth side. I think his impressive weight gain is partially because he refuses to use any and all pacifiers (yes, we have tried multiple kinds haha), so I have welcomed the new name of "human pacifier" to my long list of motherly related titles. We all completely adore him and the sweet spirit he has brought into our home. The newborn goodness is heavenly and I am doing my best to soak it all in the best I can. I feel like the third time around I am intentionally more present, no longer wishing for the exciting milestones ahead, just trying to love the time I am in now (some days are easier than others). Our family feels so perfectly rounded off now with our little man and I just am so thankful to be his mama. 

26 days

A date has been set! It feels official and eerily close now- our baby will be earth side in T-minus 26 days!  I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around that fact, but it almost feels set in stone now. There's a part of me that still feels like I might go into labor naturally just because that's all I have ever known labor wise, but both girls were 4 days late, soooo the odds of me going before that point naturally are slim (though not impossible- this pregnancy has been a whirlwind of unpredictability and so unlike any of my others). Austin is relieved to have a date- he's much better suited to a plan and each pregnancy a part of him dies waiting for me to go into labor. It doesn't help that I usually have days of pre-labor to conquer before the real deal happens so that not knowing phase is a killer. I think he's looking forward to a calm drive to the hospital with hopefully a full nights rest behind us and taking comfort in knowing once we walk into the hospital we won't be leaving until we have our baby. I mean I see the appeal of induction, I do. But I'm scared. I don't fully know what to expect other than that pitocin is the devil. I don't like the idea of so many interventions, but going into labor naturally could be dangerous and there needs to be constant monitoring of the baby to make sure he's enduring the labor safely. It's strange to have such a different mentality this go around. A part of me feels a tad disappointed to not have the labor and delivery that I had envisioned since becoming pregnant with this little boy, but I do feel peace with our choices.

We had two options when it came to choosing a date- July 3rd or 5th. I selfishly chose the 5th because I REALLY don't want to spend my favorite holiday in the hospital or worse recovering from a potential c-section. I would really like to spend that day and evening with my girls and celebrate baby brother's impending arrival. I am a smidge nervous that I might not be able to enjoy the holiday as much as I normally would because of the nerves, but there's nothing like a BBQ and fireworks to help take your mind off of things- am I right? Hopefully I will tire myself out enough to where I will be able to sleep great sans-nerves and anticipation because it's going to be an early wake up call the next morning! It's all feeling so real now! July 5th... 26 days... ah!

35 weeks

The induction date hasn't been set yet, we are hoping to get on the hospital's schedule and set the date at my next appointment this coming Thursday. But we are officially in countdown mode! Only 4 weeks left- barring any complications or unexpected turn of events. Right now there's a slight possibility that baby is growing too well in his bedwomb (hah see what i did there?) that if he continues having growth spurts the rate he has been between the last few appointments (he's currently in the 80th percentile) he MAY have to come early. The doctor said if he hits the 90th percentile that's when we would discuss a possible earlier induction just to hopefully help prevent unnecessary pressure or weight on his cord (which is working like a champ- whoo hoo!). So baby is growing perfectly which is really exciting and relieves a lot of worry we had going forward from our 21 week ultrasound.

Even though there are only 4 weeks left at this point I still feel that there is still so much to do. From here on out I will have 3 appointments a week (thankfully 2 of them are on the same day back to back) so when I look at the long list of appointments it still feels like I have FOREVER to go. Have a look for yourself...

Then there's the fact that we are still SO unprepared (#thirdchildproblems). We still don't have a carseat ordered mostly due to the fact that our stroller system only works with a certain type of carseat that just happens to be one of the more expensive styles and I am hoping and holding out to hopefully find one on sale for a decent price. That's another thing I am finding funny/conflicting about this pregnancy is that we are so sure this little guy is our last that I feel this insane urge to splurge because I won't be able to buy these things again, but then the very real feeling to skimp and save on everything because only one baby will use it. It's messing with my head!

So other than the lack of carseat situation I think we are ready to go. I have a handful (or 2 hah!) of wishlist items that I would love to get before his arrival, but honestly we could do without them or at least could get by without them initially. Nothing as dire as a carseat because we need that to get him home haha!

At 35 weeks physically: I am feeling huge and overheated. I am running a few degrees hotter than normal, but that's to be expected when there's a bun in the oven am I right? We haven't had any unbearable days heat wise, but I am already turning the AC on to sleep at night... Austin hasn't complained too much because with our bedroom upstairs it gets pretty warm up there. My tailbone I am pretty sure is broken or dislocated (I know I am being dramatic, but with how much it hurts it HAS to be broken right?!) because it hurts 24/7 if I stand too long or sit too long or stay in any position too long I just about die. I don't know if its just a matter of the little guy's positioning or what, but sheesh I will not miss this part of pregnancy that's for sure. The girls both lived under my ribs which caused different and probably just as painful symptoms (herniated intercostal muscles- ouch!) but at least I didn't have to sit on my ribs haha! So I feel much more acutely aware of this pain and it's harder to ignore.

At 35 weeks mentally/emotionally: I feel my anxiety peaked a few weeks ago and that I am turning a corner with coming to peace/terms with the potential problems/complications that could arise during labor. I am glad I am educated about them, but there is nothing I can do at this point. It will go how it goes and I need to just trust everything will work out the way it's supposed to. I don't know why it took me so long to finally come to this point, but I am glad I'm here now. I am feeling a little stress about the impending induction just because I have only gone into labor naturally so that's a little nerve wracking, but the thought of having all my ducks in a row and knowing exactly when I will be in the hospital will be extremely helpful especially with making sure the girls are taken care of. With both of the girls we went to the hospital within the 3am-4am time frame, which makes finding someone to come last minute not very fun. So it's exciting to avoid that part. Plus that last week of pregnancy where it's a waiting game to go into labor and not knowing when is the worst. Where the only question any one texts or calls is "baby here yet?" "are you still pregnant?" trust me people, you will know when this baby is born. Both Austin and I will be so relieved to have come out the other side of this pregnancy that I am sure we will be shouting it from the roof tops. :)

So for 4 weeks we will  happily await this little boy's arrival. He will change all of our lives and we can't wait. 

p.s I STILL can't believe we are a having a BOY!

Velamentous Cord Insertion (VCI)

This pregnancy has been night and day different from my previous two. While I feel each one was unique in it's own way, for the most part the girls' pregnancies had more than a handful of similarities. This time around is another thing. From the intense and unrelenting exhaustion, completely different "morning" sickness symptoms (this time around turned out to be less sea sick feeling/dizziness and more crampy upset stomach) and with a lower laying babe, alllll the bladder issues (hello, midnight bathroom visits x10) that I NEVER experienced with the girls because they pretty much lived under my ribs- ouch! Another difference with this one has been the 24/7 worrying. With Maisie's pregnancy I was young and naive, so I went with the flow. With Ellie's I had enough mothering experience to be confident in my body and skills that I have learned on the way. But this one? He's kept us on our toes.

At our first prenatal appointment when I thought I was 8 weeks along, but really turned out to be 9 weeks, we learned I had a subchorionic hematoma (the accumulation of blood within the folds of the chorion (the outer membrane, next to the placenta) or between the uterus and the placenta itself). It wasn't anything I was too worried about, but it was something I found myself thinking about often enough. Most women who have a subchorionic hematomas go on to have healthy pregnancies, but my brain would wonder about potential risks mostly the increased chance of miscarriage. But as my baby continued to grow and with every check up I was more reassured and began to forget all about it. With a quick ultrasound at 17 weeks they confirmed that it resolved on its own and was no longer visible. Sweet relief. I found myself enjoying the pregnancy more. My anxiety nearly died, other than freaking out about having a boy (ahh!). Ok, its all downhill from here, everything is fine. 

A few weeks later at my 21 week anatomy scan (we had already found out baby was a boy at the 17 week scan)  I went to this appointment without Austin. Normally Austin doesn't miss a single appointment, but he had had his gallbladder surgery that morning and was pretty down for the count. I reassured him "Everything is ok, they are just looking at everything and we already know the gender soooo no big deal. I'll facetime you ok?" I ended up taking Maisie because she was pretty excited to see her little brother. I thought the ultrasound was going great, but I could tell she was checking something, checking and rechecking on my lower left side. She would switch from 2d to 3d to the blood flow monitor over and over. She finished up the ultrasound and then said "First, baby looks great!" uhhhh what's second?? "I see an abnormality with the cord and placenta." She seemed pretty lax and unworried so I asked what the problem was. She said "I'm having a hard time being 100% sure, but either the cord attached marginally (the very outer side) to the placenta or it didn't attach to the placenta at all". Now I don't know why, maybe it was her calm demeanor or the fact that I had been up since 5 am and at the hospital for Austin's surgery allllll day long or that Maisie was sitting right there, but I wasn't bothered by the information. I figured with how calm she was being that if it were  something to worry about she would have told me? I don't know. I do remember her saying that with this sort of cord abnormality, it puts the baby at a slight increased risk for a cord accident and stillbirth. Also I just assumed that I must have had the marginal insertion because how relaxed the appointment was. I went home and explained to a very groggy and drugged up husband what I was told. Even explaining it to him I could see the worry in his eyes and confused as to what this meant as far as the rest of pregnancy. I tried telling him "she told me not to lose sleep over it, so I don't think it's a big deal".

As the days passed, I started to worry more and in that worry I turned to the internet. I know, I know, but I honestly wasn't looking for horror stories. I just wanted the facts behind the abnormality. Everything thing I read mostly discussed Marginal Cord Insertion and pretty much said while they will monitor the pregnancy more, mostly making sure that the cord was suppling enough nutrients and that the baby was growing according to schedule, it wasn't anything to be too concerned over or anything too uncommon. As I was reading through the articles I kept coming across info for Velamentous cord insertion or VCI and how it's a much different beast than Marginal cord insertion (my description, not the articles hah). I felt reassured that I MUST have the marginal version because based on everything about VCI I had read, it was contrary to the way the ultrasound specialist had acted. Another day passed and I became sick with worry what if it is the velamentous one? So I called my midwife hoping to get an appointment, but she was already over booked for the day and there wasn't a chance to sneak myself in (of course it was a Friday so I would have to wait until the next week). So then over the phone to the nurse I explained my uneasiness about the results of my ultrasound, she forwarded the call to the radiologist and that lady said in exact words "I don't know why the ultrasound tech said she couldn't tell if it was attached or not, but I can confirm that it is NOT attached and IS Velamentous." Over the phone I began to sob. All of the what ifs and anxiety I had been feeling the days prior all came flooding back hundredfold. All the things I had read about ruptured or pinched unprotected cord (aka the means the baby gets nutrients and more importantly oxygen), restricted growth of the baby, stillbirth, cord accidents, retained placenta, more likely to hemorrhage during birth... yadda yadda yadda. I was freaking out. Austin came home from work to a wife in fetal position on the couch full on melting down about how our baby boy is going to die and I can't stop it. He was able to pull me out of my spiral of doom pretty quickly (he's good at that) but he allowed me to vent and express all the fears of hopefully less likely and very undesired results.

We left on vacation to Arizona before I could meet with my midwife and speak with her about what this diagnosis means as far as birthing options, monitoring and tests. I tried to just enjoy our vacation without worrying too much, but it was exhausting not knowing more about this potential serious and scary abnormality. I took solace that so far baby boy had been growing right on track or even a smidge bigger than gestational age. So while the cord/arteries/veins was not desirable with location and lack of cord protection, baby boy was growing and was healthy.

Finally, after a few weeks we were able to get into our appointment with the midwife. Some ball was dropped on the ultrasound techs side because when I started to sob to the midwife about how anxious and worried I have been she looked confused. "What's wrong? What did the ultrasound show?" they didn't inform her, so it was news to her. She immediately pulled up the ultrasound and started looking over it. She was mad because had she known, she would have called me to talk about it and try to explain things. We talked about what the rest of this pregnancy would look like. She said the main concern is growth restriction on the baby and a potential early delivery based on his ability to thrive from the cord. Her other worry was a retained placenta after birth. Since the cord is not attached to the placenta theres nothing to help pull it out, which means manual extraction, a possible D&C and potential hemorrhaging requiring a blood transfusion. She made me feel much better as she described exactly what she would do if any of those scenarios happened. Austin and I left the appointment feeling much better. After we discussed it with family and friends everyone said "maybe get a second opinion?" so after the recommendation of Austin's boss, we made an appointment with a high risk OB. We wanted to consult him and see what he would do differently, if anything than the midwife could/would do. He explained that he has had a handful of VCI cases, not tons because of how uncommon it is, but he's had enough experience to know exactly what could happen. He explained that he would do much more extensive monitoring of baby's growth, cord location, fluid levels and starting at 34 weeks twice weekly non-stress tests along with ultrasounds every 2 weeks. This was very different than what the midwife wanted to do. Which I guess is the beauty of a midwife- they are hands on, less intervention, less stress. But Austin and I both felt that in this case more monitoring would make us feel better. Plus with this sort of cord abnormality it puts me WAY more likely to need a c-section. This OB could do it on the spot without any backup calls, where as the midwife would have to exchange me over, which is precious time we can't have wasted. Our OB explained that once my water breaks that's when its imperative to monitor the baby constantly. He explained that without the cushion of the water for the exposed vessels it's a matter of how long the baby can hold his breath if they become pinched or compressed against his shoulder etc. We knew right then, we needed an OB and it broke my heart because I LOVE my midwife. If it were any other birth, she's exactly who I would want, but with the so many unknowns and potential risks we need to be where they can be addressed the quickest and unfortunately that's not with her. Also, we needed to switch from our hospital to one with a NICU and trauma unit just in case. So right now the plan is to be induced at 39 weeks if no other complications come up before that point.

So in about 7 weeks we will have our baby boy! I wish I could fast forward to the day after he's born just so the worryingr and stress can be over and hopefully an uneventful birth without complications will be behind us. All I want is safety for the baby and myself, its so nerve wracking not knowing what's going to happen, but I guess that's the case for all births. I hate the lack of control I feel at all times, but I have to be reassured that we are being as diligent and proactive as possible and that's all we can do at this point. I'm so happy we have made it to 32.2 weeks without any scares and that so far everything is on track and going well. I am so thankful for modern medicine and that we were able to catch this and be aware of its presence and be ready for any and all complications that could arise.

Let's do this baby boy! Not much longer now. :)

Oh Boy!

Baby boy was bent in half his entire ultrasound- essentially ears between knees.

When Austin and I thought about our future we always imagined parenting a hoard of girls. I imagined braiding Maisie's hair while she braided Ellie's, while Ellie braided our other little girl's hair etc. A cascade of braiding estrogen. Austin was in on this visual. Not that we didn't want a boy, but when we thought about our chaotic family life, we could only see a life full of mostly naked baby dolls strewn about the house, "Frozen" or more currently "Moana" soundtracks on repeat all day every day, sassy remarks and twirly dresses. It's what we knew and became comfortable with.

We had an inkling that this pregnancy was different, but all of mine so far have been remotely different, but this one was the sore thumb of the bunch. My energy levels and morning sickness was night and day different than the girls' pregnancies. But I still had that little girl perfectly picked out in my head because it was a fact that we can only make girls right? I went into our ultrasound with the idea that I wouldn't be surprised either way, just because this pregnancy was so different it would make sense if it was a boy, but also with the idea that we can only make girls right? Win-win thought process huh? haha! When my midwife said "yep, it's DEFINITELY a boy" I went into shock. What??? We can make a boy? Ahhhhh! I was instantly excited, but felt oddly unqualified (and so, so, SO unprepared) to have a boy. Our world with only girls, was about to get turned upside down.

Maisie was convinced it was a boy from the second we told her we were going to have a baby, which was around 6 weeks pregnant because I became too sick to hide it from them. "Mommy, it HAS to be a boy right? It would be crazy to have THREE girls right?" We had long talks about how we can't control what the baby is, but whatever it is, it's apart of our family and we love it so much already. Ellie said she wanted a girl, but honestly she's just so baby hungry that I don't think she'd mind either way. Side note: I have never met another little girl who possesses such motherly instincts as strongly as little Ellie. I think Austin was pulling for a boy from the beginning because he feels so out numbered and also his past remarks of "I want a boy to carry my name" (insert eye roll) but he still could only imagine a girl. We both left the ultrasound appointment in disbelief, but so so happy.

It felt strange to wander down boy isles- it was like a foreign country, scratch that more like a different planet! I found my eyes (and sometimes my entire body) wandering towards the girl's section (why are little girls things just so flipping cute?!) And kind of wondering if this was real life. Not a huge fan of all the little sports, trucks and boy sayings. No joke yesterday I found such a cute onesie for a boy, but in big capital letters sprawled across the front was the word "DUDE" really?! Is that even necessary. So it looks like I'm dressing my boy like an 80 year old man- give me all the loafers, cardigans, suspenders and I'm good.

I found myself secretly missing all things "little girls" and I think its because we are 98% sure this is our last baby (even before we knew what this baby was, we felt this way) and I don't think I have fully let it sink in that I won't be shopping for little newborn dresses and headbands for OUR babies again. But how exciting is it that we get to have a whole new experience for our last baby. This little boy is already so loved and wanted. I feel such a connection to him that feels entirely different than mine with the girls. So with one chapter closing, another new and exciting one has been started. I feel so blessed to be pregnant and that we even have the opportunity to grow our family by one more. We can't wait to meet this little guy and smother him with kisses- Ellie won't be able to contain her affection and I don't think I'll be able to either :)

Catching up: May 25th, 2016 - Kindergarten Graduate

In the last 11 days this little girl turned SIX, graduated Kindergarten and is getting her first permanent molars. I can vividly remember and recall each emotion the second she was born and It's beyond confusing and terrifying that that moment was over six years ago. How can that be? 

I have this love-hate relationship with time. It seems to pass impossibly fast and I find myself trying to grasp it and save it from slipping by, but then I see the changes my daughters make in that time that I'm so selfishly trying to hold back and I'm forced to let go. The older they get the more I truly see them and know them so why would I want to try to prevent that? Knowing them is my greatest joy and that will never change.

Ellie's mid-morning nap

I have mentioned this before, but Ellie is NOT a morning person. Even as a little baby, she would wake up fairly early and then within that hour (after breakfast and a diaper change) she was ready for her first nap. Waking up early every morning to walk Maisie to school has been taking a toll on little Ellie and even though she has been slowly transitioning to one afternoon nap a day, there are plenty of days where she can't make it that far... So instead of cleaning or doing the dishes, I get to enjoy this view instead:

No complaints here. :)

Maisie starts Kindergarten!!

First day of school pictures:

Her pictures in her classroom:



These were from early June when her teacher came over to our home to visit with Maisie.

So it happened. The day I have been dreading has come and gone. Maisie has been a full fledged Kindergartener for over a week now. I still find myself distraught by the passing of time, but Maisie is so excited to go to school every morning and that makes things much easier on me. She is so proud to tell me what she had learned about and the fun little songs and quirks of the classroom like "name on the paper, first thing" to the tune of "Shave and a haircut two bits". She has made some friends and she tells me about how she and her group of boys (figures) play "aliens" together at recess.

I look forward to my "jump hug" from her every day when I pick her up and Ellie, while she appreciates the quieter and low-key mornings, is always so excited to see her big sister after school is out.

Our days are busy now, but our family has worked into a nice rhythm. We feel closer to each other and use our time more wisely than before. While I still miss my Maisie Moo every morning, I know she's right where she needs to be and because of that I am happy. And have I mentioned proud? Because there aren't enough words to describe how proud I am of this little person who makes every one so happy.

Tornado?!

Last Wednesday me and the girls were playing in the back room when my phone made the Amber Alert sound. I was fully expecting to see information regarding a missing child and a possible vehicle to look out for but instead saw this:

I first thought it was a joke. Yeahhhh right there are no tornados in Idaho! A minute or so later our lights started to flicker and then finally the electricity shut out completely, then back on, off, on and off for the span of 20 minutes. Loud sirens started blaring through town and the loud hum of firetrucks driving by. That's when I started to panic. Austin works at the University and it's notoriously known for having poor cell reception, so I was happy he got my text right away informing me he got the alert. I was trying to stay outwardly calm for the sake of the girls, but Maisie could tell something was wrong and she grew more curious the louder the sirens got. I explained that there was a storm that was nearby and that we needed to stay safe. It wasn't until she overheard me talking to Austin on the phone that she heard me say "tornado". That started a slew of conversations about the tornado in The Wizard of Oz- "But Dorothy got taken by the tornado and she was just fine! Maisie's blasé attitude towards the tornado helped soothe my uneasiness, but then my thoughts of the deadly tornados that have ripped through Oklahoma in previous years were running on loop in my brain as well. All I wanted was for Austin to get home and FAST. The thought of being without him if a tornado did hit nearby was too much. Plus possibly being stranded away from each other hours and hours or worse the whole night would have scared me to death. While we were waiting for Austin to get home safely I refreshed webpages following the storm and that looked like this:

Thankfully Austin was able to get home relatively soon and the minute he walked in the door I felt immense relief because at least if something did happen now, we would all be together. 

The conclusion to this story is that the storm headed more north and other than some crazy wind nothing happened- we didn't even end up getting a drop of rain. Turns out a tornado started to form, but never touched down (thank goodness). I think it was a good wake up call because I realized how ill prepared we were. So my new goal now is to be better prepared in case of an emergency. Here's to starting 72 hour kits emergency kits, first aid and ample food storage.

sidenote: In my whirlwind of emotions (mostly panic and fear) I realized that if we lost water usage we would be in real trouble, but thankfully we had two empty 5-gallon jugs that I filled up in the bath tub. It makes me laugh now thinking about it, but it did help ease my fears a little bit at the time. Austin still laughs at me for how scared I was, but better safe than sorry right? 

Maisie is 5!

It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that my little Maisie is now five years old. It seems like just yesterday that I first held her, but yet at the same time it seems like a century ago, like I have always known her. 

My heart swells with love for my Maisie. Austin and I have tried to come up with a word to describe her in the past and the word we always come back to is... sunshine. She is sunshine. She exudes light where ever she goes by being funny and happy nearly 100% of the time. She's quick to forgive and the first to give encouragement. She fills our lives with songs, laughter and love. And even though she has tried (and continues to try) every last inch of patience in my body, I am better because of her. 

Five years ago she flipped my life upside down, but Heaven knows I needed her to give me new perspective on life and for her and the incredible blessing she is to all those around her (especially to me, her daddy and sister), I am eternally grateful. 

Mother's Day 2015

lilacs from our backyard, a new little succulent from Austin and Maisie

This was the best Mother's Day yet! Austin's parents were still in town so it was nice to celebrate with them. Austin started the day by making crepes for the moms in the house and then we went to church -where maisie made that fill out sheet and colored the pictures (it made me teary and giggle at the same time. Gosh, I love that girl). We came home and relaxed while the men grilled steaks and made all the fixings, baked potatoes, corn on the cob and salad. We finished the night with strawberry shortcake and the best part was the no cleaning (the guys mostly took care of the clean up as well). 

Maisie is at such a fun age where she understands the importance of Mother's Day and loves to shower me with extra love and making me fun gifts, like painting a little clay flower pot and making me a special necklace (pictured above). Ellie is still so squishy and cuddly that I feel I have the best of both worlds with the both of them. I truly love being their mama.

One of those days...

Have you ever woke up in the morning and were already "done" from the beginning? Yes, I realize that it's not the most pleasant way to start one's day, but I imagine everyone can somewhat relate. I have had days that began like that, but ended up not being so bad. I wish that were the case last Tuesday, but unfortunately it wasn't- it was just the beginning of a day that should have stopped before it started.

Ellie ended up catching the nasty cold that Maisie was just getting over. Ellie while mellow tempered 99% of the time, being sick is the exception to the rule. She gets so sleep deprived from not being able to breathe well, that she is just unable to cope with normal life. "Sweet and quiet Ellie", we have since learned, has a set of pipes that can in fact, yell to insanity inducing levels. And boy, does she have stamina. Tuesday she was like the energizer bunny, except instead of beating a little drum and parading around the house, she screamed and she screamed no matter what I did, where she was and despite all attempts from me and Maisie to cheer her up. 

Austin had just started a new semester of school the day prior to "the day from hades" and upon looking at our shared calendar and seeing that Austin was currently between classes with a nice chunk until his next class (probably 2 hours or so). I texted him to see if he could come home, but he informed me he was going to study a little bit before his next class. Normally this wouldn't have bothered me, but that day I NEEDED rescue. So when a little bit later Austin texted me asking how things were going I informed him that Ellie had been crying/screaming non-stop for more than an hour. 15 minutes later and she was still going strong I ended up taking a couple pictures of the scene, hoping that the evidence of the terribleness would convince him to come to my or Ellie's aid (I guess that depends on who you find the victim to be).

These were the pictures I sent:

Ok before you think I am a terrible mother for taking pictures of my screaming child or by preventing my husband from his studies, please know that I wasn't completely in my normal state of mind and that I was extremely desperate to get Austin to come home for all of our sakes. I have to say though, she still looks cute even while blowing our ear drums out. Plus, that top picture with that lip pout? I am glad I have it documented because it melts me every time.

Are you curious about whether Austin came home or not?

He did. Of course he did. 

Plus this story has a happy ending:

Austin finished studying.

Ellie finally fell asleep.

AND everyone returned to their happy and healthy selves.

And that's the end to one of the worst days I have had in a long time. In retrospect it's sort of humorous, but trust me if I had a chance to go back and relive it, I would politely pass.

Registered for Kindergarten

Maisie mastering the art of selfies. I found these by surprise on my phone just a few days ago.

Well, my days of (selfishly) having both my girls home with me are coming to an end. Maisie is officially registered for Kindergarten, with a start date towards the end of August. I am having mixed feelings about it all. On one hand I am so excited for her. Maisie has been wanting to go to school since she was 3 and she is thrilled with the idea that she is going to be a kindergartener. You should see how she lights up when she talks about it. I'm looking forward to seeing the excitement on her face when she sees her classroom and classmates for the first time.

 On the other hand... I am dreading it. Seriously. I am having anxiety over it (and not the good kind). I want to keep her with me for selfish reasons because this is IT. Once she starts there's no going back  and that scares me. I have always thought the most terrifying word was and is the word irreplaceable. And I know that truly my time with my girls attached at my hip is in fact irreplaceable. Nothing will fit that spot the same. But I also know good things will come from the changing of seasons. I just need to focus on savoring the season I am currently in and not spend my time, thoughts and energy dreading the end of it. So that's what I am trying to do.

So here's to soaking up one more summer before school begins!

Merlin's Magic Sleepsuit

We were having a hard time with Ellie's sleeping (or lack thereof) it seems the older she gets the worse she sleeps. I was getting more sleep 2 days after being home from the hospital than I was getting a month ago. She started waking up 4+ times, wanting to eat sometimes, but mostly just up for random reasons. There were quite a few culprits involved. 

1- She was still sleeping in her rocker. While she didn't outgrow it size wise, she was strong enough to pull herself up and almost overboard. She would also twist until she was pinned face down and that was enough right there to scare me to death, so we knew our rocker days were over. Maisie slept in the rocker until she was10 months old and never attempted to crawl out, so we were a little surprised by Ellie doing so.

2- She still very much liked being swaddled. It was a sure way trick to settle her down. Although she is strong enough to break the swaddle, I was scared to put her swaddled in the crib because I wanted her to have access to her arms at all times.

3- she hated/still hates (remember this post?) food. So I am her complete source of nutrition. Breastmilk  is only filling for so long, and since she's burning more calories now than ever, I am nursing twice as much now than when she was a newborn.

4- Her hatred for the crib. Her rocker had a slight incline and was snug to where she felt cozy and safe, but her crib is spacious and flat and since we didn't feel comfortable swaddling her in it, we didn't, so the lack of swaddle wasn't helping anything.

Austin and I were THIS close to start sleep training because we were so beyond sleep deprived, but every time we talked about it we felt unsettled, nervous and dread. So we decided that was out of the question for us now. All we knew is that we needed her to be in her crib, that she needed to be safe and comfortable, but we didn't know what we could do to get her comfortable being in her crib, let alone sleeping.

So one day I was browsing the internet (not even looking for sleep solutions) when I was reading my lists of blogs that I follow, when one of the bloggers I have followed for a couple years explained that her 8 month old is progressively becoming a worse and worse sleeper, I was intrigued. The things she was describing about her daughter was almost exactly Ellie to a T! I was relieved that I wasn't alone and yet still had no solutions. The same blogger wrote a follow up post a couple weeks later and with the suggestions from commenters on her "no sleep" post, decided to try "Merlin's Magic Sleepsuit". She was skeptical yet desperate. So she ordered one. The first night her daughter used the suit she slept 10 hours straight. I felt hope! I was no where expecting Ellie to sleep that long, but even just going back to 5 hour stretches would be a luxury. We had a lot more factors going into it (list above) and after reading the FIRST Amazon review about someone's baby who wouldn't sleep in the crib and surprise, surprise, it was because of the SAME rocker Ellie was sleeping in- anyway the review concluded that the sleep suit was indeed magic. I called austin at work and told him we had to try it. He hesitantly agreed because of the cost, but I had some Amazon gift card money left over and used it for that.

A couple days later the suit arrived just in time for Ellie's third nap. I put her in the suit (took some pictures because she was so cute) and after rocking her and singing a couple songs placed her in her crib pretty much wide awake. Within 5 minutes Ellie was sleeping! In her crib! I didn't even have to trick her by getting her to sleep in my arms first and setting her in her crib. It was all her and the suit.


3:41 pm


4:02 pm

Ellie is now only waking up twice to eat- once around midnight/1am ish and the other around 4:30 or 5am. The best part? She has been sleeping in her crib for weeks now- NO ROCKER!! All naps and nighttime sleep has been in her crib. The rocker is actually packed away now. We are still using the suit because Ellie is cozy and warm, but probably in the next few weeks we will start using it less and less.

Ellie's 6 1/2 Month Stats

Here are Ellie's stats from birth to her latest Doctor's appointment just a few days ago.

birth:

 7 lbs 8 oz & 19 (?) inches

5 days:
7 lbs 9 oz & 19.5 inches

2 weeks:
7 lbs 14 oz & 20.5 inches

7 weeks:
10 lbs 8oz & 21.7 inches

9 weeks/ 2 months:
11 lbs 6oz & 22.3 inches

4.5 months:

14 lbs & 24.3 inches

33% in weight & 22% in height

6.5 months:

15.7 lbs & 26 inches

30% in weight & 33% in height

I still am having a hard time wrapping my head around how fast time has flown by! Every day Ellie is a little bigger and a little more silly. Her personality is coming out more and more and we are discovering that this mellow child may also have quite the stubborn streak (see this post). I wonder who's going to win the stubborn-ness battle between the sisters.... that could get interesting. 

Ellie bug/ Hazelnut/ muffin is just the most content baby I have ever met. She is effortless to love and makes me feel like I know what I am doing. She is predictable and easily soothed and such a stress reliever to hold, squeeze and kiss. When I get a little wound tight from trying to keep up with home maker duties and being the mommy to a spirited/energetic/down-right-tiring 4 year old, sometimes the best remedy is a chubby baby hug, or a relaxing nursing session. She forces me to slow down and for that I thank her so much. 

Maisie's Pre-Kindergarten Stats

Here are Maisie's stats from birth to her latest Doctor appointment a few days ago.

birth:
7 lbs &19.5 inches

1 week:
7 lbs 3 oz (gained back the 4% body weight + 3 oz)

   
2 weeks:
 7 lbs15 oz & 21.25 inches

2 months:
  11 lbs 1 oz & 23 inches

 
 5 month:
 15 lbs 5 oz & 26 inches

        7 month:
 16 lbs 14 oz & 27 inches

       9 month:
17 lbs 15 oz  & 28 inches

    12 month:
18 lbs 14 oz & 30 inches

 
18 month:
20 lbs 12 oz & 31 1/2 inches

 2 year: 
25 lbs (with clothes on) & 34 inches

3 years 7 months:
29 lbs 8oz & 37.5 inches

4 years 9.5 months:
 36 lbs (with coat and rain boots on) 35th percentile

height: 41.3 inches 40th percentile

Maisie has had a growth in the last year! Don't get me wrong, she is still so little and still tends to hang around kids who are a lot younger than her because they are more similar in height, oh well. Look out world- she's starting to catch up! 

We love our Maisie Moo/peanut/honey bunny. She never fails to make us laugh or keep us entertained. From silly dance moves, funny expressions and telling jokes that make no sense whatsoever, she cracks us up. She's sensitive and sweet, yet tough and spirited. She's a free thinker, a rule bender and the life of any party. She is always letting us know how much she loves us by randomly telling us throughout the day. And boy, does she speak my love language- the girl can give compliments and butter me up like no other. She's always saying sincere "thank yous" for simple things and giving the biggest bear hugs for anything that makes her excited, like preparing a favorite meal or reading an extra story. She's a force of nature, a beam of sunshine and is and always will be my little baby who made me a Mama.

Maisie & Ellie's Tandem Doctor's Appointment

On Thursday we had a combined Doctor's appointment for both the girls. Ellie was due for her 6 month check-up and vaccinations and Maisie in only a couple months will be due for her 5 year appointment (and vaccinations) so we decided to take care of them together. I was a little nervous about how Maisie would react, but she was incredibly brave. 100x braver than I was a child. She proudly strolled into the Doctor's office and proceeded to tell every soul around her that she was there to get her "kindergarten shots". She sounded excited. I could tell she was a little nervous as they pinned her down, but I held her hand and looked into her eyes the whole time telling her that it would be over soon. She whimpered one quiet "oww" and then it was done. I spun her in my arms and told her how proud I was of her. She was beaming.

Then it was Ellie's turn. Poor baby still doesn't realize whats going on when they hold up the needle and sterilize her chubby thighs- she just happily smiles and babbles probably making the nurses giving the shots feel like real jerks. Usually Ellie wails a good 2 minutes after her shots. Then when she can calm down long enough to latch on, I nurse her and she goes back to being the mellow child we know and love. Normally you can see Ellie after she calms down think about the shots for a brief half second and her lower lip turns down in the most adorable pout with a quick inhale- like the breath before a good cry, but she catches herself and continues her post-trauma snack. BUT none of that happened- not at this appointment. She cried for maybe 10 seconds and then just... stopped. She didn't even need to be passed to me or even nurse! I couldn't believe how well incredible our girls did. Both were so brave and I couldn't be more proud. We really dodged a bullet- that appointment had the potential to go terribly, but it was probably the smoothest doctor's appointment yet.

We treated Maisie to a cherry dipped ice cream cone and then gave the girls a lavender bath. Both slept like a dream- Maisie even slept until a little past 8!

 We realize we are beyond blessed to have such healthy girls. I just find so much purpose and joy from being their Mama. There's not much I wouldn't give to keep them happy and healthy and I am so glad that they seem to be just that.